Tuesday, 22 November 2011

Standing Up For Myself.

Over the last few days the guy who I was staying with in Swansea has been trying to blackmail me into removing my earlier blog, Just whats fallen out of my head today. He's also been sending me emails threatening to post further mistruth on forums that I use regularly for support and advice demanding I remove my blog. Here's what he has been spamming my guestbook with:

Apart from the flat out lies about me never making my feelings know to him he attempts to gloss over calling me fat! I remember at least four separate occasions that this happened, three times in front of people! How dare you call that gentle teasing!!! What about the times he said that he'd have to get hypnotized after I had my surgery so he'd still like me?? How about the many times he used to hold my face in his hands and force his tongue into my mouth despite me trying to pull away? How about the time he called me a stupid fucking tranny when I burnt the dinner? How about all the negative and sly comments that I chose to ignore at the time because I thought it wasn't worth upsetting the apple cart to challenge them? Was that just "gentle teasing"???

Yes I do owe him some money but this is no more than a regular dispute over flatting expenses - which hardly requires blackmail and subterfuge to resolve it! He was like two different people, kind on one hand and unpredictable on the other.I did not feel safe living there and I should not have to justify that.

Like I said in my earlier blog: What people don’t realise is just how vulnerable trans women are. I was so desperate for acceptance from someone, anyone as a female human being that I felt I had to do things I wish I hadn’t. I should have never let this happen. 

I'm writing this because I can't ignore the mails I have been receiving, I wanted to just move on, forget all that had happened and get on with my life. But for the first time in my life I feel I have something worth standing up for. Me.

I have been receiving help from a wonderful charity called R.I.S.E and their LGBT officer. They have helped me get back on my feet and given me the strength and power to stand up for myself.  Please, if you have a few spare quid, donate to them. Their help and support has benefited me and many, many others no end and their funding should be more.


  1. This is a horrible thing for him to be doing,to resort to this type of tactic is cruel and cowardly..

    I know i do not know you personally but form what I have seen from My Transsexual Summer and read in your blog,you seem to me as a very wonderful person.

    Do not let this asshole bring you down hun,you are worth more than that


  2. Well said Sarah!
    Funny how the protagonist's in abusive relationships never think they have done anything wrong or see how there actions multiply our insecurities on an exponential level.
    I have been there and come out the other side a stronger more confident person, and i know you will do just the same, it just takes time for us to realise that it was actually there fault and we did nothing wrong!
    take care girl and stay strong, your a wonderful person and deserve the life you dream of.

  3. always two sides to everything.

  4. Unfortunatly there are always people who will exploit the vunerable. Women often stay to long with abusers such as this - nice some of the time and vile the other. At least you are away from him now and it will be a valuable lesson learned.

  5. Hi Sarah,
    Just read your blog, and well done girl for being courageous and brave for getting out of this relationship when you did. Just ignore this person and move on with your life hun. You deserve better.
    And I'm so enjoying the series of "Transexual Summer", and can't wait for tonight's episode. You and your friends are such an inspiration to me(((HUGS))) x

  6. you go girl! Don't let the haters grind you down - they're just losers and that never changes. You're a winner - it's obvious from MTS and I can't see that anyone who knows you would ever think otherwise.

    Keep being fabulous and remember - even the worst day can be saved but red lipstick!

  7. Sweetheart stay strong I am glad that you had the courage to leave that Toxic relationship and so happy to see that you have Support from R.I.S.E it has been wonderful to see you and the others on the Show blossom and grow in confidence and Good Luck for your future.

  8. Hey Sarah loving the show and all you brillant people!!
    There are nasty people all the world over but you just keep you head held high and trust me there are more people rooting for you all than those who want to bring you down.
    Loves and Hugs to you and the gang

  9. Sarah presumably went into the relationship with open eyes and it takes a lot of guts for a guy to openly support a t-girl. I dated a t girl myself - took her out for a meal but was too embarrassed to do it again. We met at mine briefly after that.

  10. As said above, there are always two sides and if you by your own admission owed this man money, did a runner and then bad mouthed him on here then surely you can't be surprised he wanted to reply to your comments.
    Aside from doing a flit owing money, wouldnt it have been far more dignified to have kept that business between yourself & another a private affair?
    N_J Bennett

  11. Are you going to delete the two posts above this one, as you keep doing with mine?

  12. Sarah, I'm loving your story on MTS and it's an absolute joy to watch you becoming the person you're meant to be.
    One of you said something about how when you transition, you have to go through a second adolescence in your true gender; I hadn't thought of it that way, but obviously it's true, and not just physically; you're on an incredibly steep learning curve and as far as I can see you're handling it with courage, dignity and humour. Having recently ended a similarly toxic relationship I agree with everything cjboocollins said above. Well done for getting out so quickly; it can't have been easy when your new-found and still fragile self-esteem was being eroded by this abuser.

    From one woman (genetically and by inclination, fwiw) to another, I hope you can feel my arms around you, my sister. I think you're brilliant and brave, and I wish you all the luck and love in the world.

  13. Sarah, just want to say I've been there - my mentally abusive ex dumped me on a drugs come-down, making me homeless. I got a place in a hostel and HE started stalking ME! You are worth so much more than all that. Its been amazing watchig you on MTS. The episode you told your Mum? You looked like you had the weight of the world on your shoulders, but the second you were back as Sarah, the change was instant and very very moving. Thinking of you - all of you - lotsa love babe xXx :)

  14. Grrr - I hate typo's and I hate my blackBerry right now! Above should read 'watching' NOT 'watchig'!

  15. I'm loving the show sarah, thanks for taking part & being so genuine, watching you all come together is emotional, heartwarming and refreshing. I see you growing into a strong, independant woman, who can feed, house and even open your own bank account all by yourself. Yes theres always 2 sides to every story but to make so much personal information available when staing "I had no intention of making public what happened between us" is so grossly unfair!! Good luck Sarah and keep smiling x x x

  16. You go girl, what a wounderfull idea to blog his words now he will have no amnumition left, love your spirit!

  17. Hi Sarah,

    I am really sorry to hear this. I think for women in general this sort of abuse can happen alot and they are vulnerable to it. I was in a relationship where I was abused in this way, it took alot of strength to walk away from that because I was so desperate to be loved and accepted but he left me feeling like I was the scum on his shoe.

    Do not listen to peoples negative opinions on here. You posted on here because you needed support from people and the ones who can not support you are not worth listening too, they clearly have something missing in their lives if your personal choices bother them.

    You can report this to the Police if he continues with the hate via the internet and you feel scared or threatened by it. The Police will at first advise you to block him or log complaints with the various sites such as facebook but if it continues to happen then you can take it further.

    My advice is if you agree the money you owe him then pay it back as soon as you are able to give him no excuse to contact you.

    You are a strong woman, you will get through this :-)

    K xx

  18. As others have said, there are always two sides to every story - it sounds to me like you used this guy, decieved him, cheated him out of his rent and vilified him in public for no good reason (apart from your love of attention and drama). You could have simply left as soon as you found his attention no longer welcome.

  19. You seem to make a lot of assumptions there, Anonymous. Do you know exactly what happened between us?? I think not.

    You say that I have 'vilified' this person, now how can I do that to someone I have not named, a courtesy he has not extended to me. It seems to me that you have a vested interest in this matter, hiding behind anonymity is probably the bravest thing you have done this week. If you knew as much about this situation as you profess to, you would know that I knew less than a dozen people in the entire country and I chose to become homeless when I left this person - and you would also know about the sustained mental and sexual abuse that I had to deal with. Assumption is the Mother of all Fuck ups, so I would advise you not to pass judgement about things you know nothing about. I hope this never happens to you....