Wednesday, 16 November 2011

About The Haters...


The thing that’s been getting to me the most these last few days since the first My Transsexual Summer went out and people have started knowing who I am, on the internet more than anywhere else, is the constant highs and lows, peaks and troughs that my life seems to have become. One moment I’ll be reduced to tears by a lovely email sent to me by an old friend that I haven’t been in contact with in years telling me how he remembers being in a pub in Ibiza with me, six or seven years ago and how I was crying and telling him how unhappy I was and how glad he is seeing m on TV now having found the cause of my problems and how happy I looked.
The next moment, it seems I’ll read a negative or insulting comment on my blog or on twitter and it will really affect me. I’ll get angry and hurt and react in some way. It seems like a never ending rollercoaster.
I realise that I’m wrong letting the negativity get to me, I can simply choose to ignore it. The amount of positive, supportive and nice comments, tweets and emails I’ve been receiving has far, far outweighed the bad.
I knew when getting into this documentary thing that there would be negative feedback and I thought I’d prepared myself for them better. Life is just a learning curve after all. At the end of the day it says more about the person being nasty than they could ever say about me.
Radiate positivity and it will be reflected back.

33 comments:

  1. Nawwww, don't let the idiots get to you hun, they're just heartless people who have nothing better to do than try and make people feel this way. If you don't ignore them and you let it get to you, then they'll think they've won. All the best and I hope my comment helps xxx

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  2. Very true. Check out any blog, any YouTube video, any newspaper online article - any that have lots of comments - and you will see that there is a very vocal minority who have nothing better to do than to be negative. Unfortunately it is often the case that people with something positive to say don't say things often enough.

    I think you are incredibly brave to go so very public at such an early stage in what will be a massive but exciting journey. All the very best of luck to you and to your six new friends. :)

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  3. Hey hun, don't let them get you down. You should be very proud of yourself for being true to yourself. There are many people out there who will live a lie all their life, you are not one of them.
    As long as you and those who matter to you are happy, the rest can get fucked, they are not your concernkeep doing what your doing and you'll be fine xx

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  4. I think that in all things this life has to offer, there will always be negatives and obstacles in our way..
    a friend told me once that it is not the obstacles in our way that define us but rather in how we choose to overcome those obstacles..

    I think you and all the others that went into do the documentary are great and all of you yes ALL of you are an ispiriation, especially to myself as I am just starting out on my journey as a transexual woman.

    please continue to be a great and wonderful person and take all those negatives and just throw them in the bin *hugs*

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  5. Its hard to "turn yourself off" to being affected by negativity.
    Some of the hateful comments idiots aimed at you,and the responses of those coming to your defense inspired me to make a short video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5q1UfnAf-_8) about people's perceptions of sex and gender. (And people's ignorance about them).

    Rachael
    (MythicFlux)

    PS. Your hair is awesome in your profile picture.

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  6. Sarah, I've been watching and you come across as a lovely, genuine person. I wish you all the luck in the world. x Janet Dixon

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  7. Gosh, when my sister told me you were on a tv programme I laughed. When she told me which programme it was I became quiet. Then I've read your blog, tweets and now this. I am one of those that remember sitting in a bar with you but I am also one of those that remember the 'closer' moments both in Ibiza and in Hartlepool. Ive often thought of you over the years and I remember the struggles you had back then and wondered if life had become any easier. I guess it has in a way you finally know who you want to be. I'm very proud to have known you as you were then as you were a very special person, you saw life differently to other people and I'm very proud that you've found the courage to become Sarah! My love always Laura

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  8. Things like that will always hurt, hon, but the way I've come to look at it is that people who think that way and would say those things really don't have an opinion which holds any value, so why would anyone care what they think?

    If they're so ignorant and small-minded that they would not only think that way, but go out of their way to make sure you knew it in the cruellest terms, then they're probably not the kind of people who are capable of thinking things through enough for it to be relevant.

    It's like taking the advice of a neanderthal on how to fix your PC. Completely pointless, because they clearly can't even comprehend the fundamentals.

    But it's completely understandable to feel hurt by it and you shouldn't think badly of yourself for it, you just need to work on building up your bullsh*t shield. :)

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  9. It must be difficult reading negative and nasty comments. (I started following you and some of the others from the show on twitter and, have read some of the comments.) It really does say more about them than all of you. If it is any consolation, I have no doubt that if they were not being nasty to and about you, they would find someone else to bully. This has nothing to do with you as a person or the situation you are in. They are looking for someone in a minority - any minority. These are the same people who verbally attack those who are overweight, live with a disability or are simply different from them.
    Taking part in the show was a brave thing to do, I doubt many of them would have the courage to put themselves under such scrutiny.
    We all have insecurities and are vulnerable in some way. You have been brave enough to share some very private moments and feelings with the world - which of course highlights your vulnerability. If they think attacking you makes them the bigger or better person, I pity them - ignorance is a terrible affliction. xx

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  10. I have read quite a lot about this programme and I have been both amazed and disgusted at the comments some people have made. I am transitioning myself and watching you all on the programme has really given me an insight into the lives of people who are in the same situation as I am.

    What I have found very disturbing, is a lot of negative comments have been made by alleged members of the transgender community. I used to be a member of a forum for transgender people, but I left it a long time ago as there was a lot of negativity on there, but I logged in out of curiosity to see what was being said about this programme and I can honestly say my heart sunk. It is hard enough trying to build a life when you are transgendered and when the people you think would be the ones to support you turn out to be the ones causing the hurt with their comments, it only goes to making things more difficult.

    I wish you all the luck in the world with your transition as I do with anyone who is transitioning. I will be watching the rest of the series and continuing to read all the comments, as it has really given me hope with the fact that a lot of people out there are not all bigots with a hatred for transpeople!

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  11. I've been following My Transsexual Summer and spent the whole time wanting to reach through the screen and give you a big hug. You seem so lovely.

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  12. My arse is a better tranny than u lol xx

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  13. LOL JK You're an ugly fucking manwomanhorsebeast LOL

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  14. I hate bigots n haters, world would be better wiout ppl like them and there mothers n fathers who no doubt learnt them there racist n biggoted ways!! Fuck the Haters!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You brave ppl get on with your lives n be who you want to be!!! Peace n love to all men n women on earth xxxx

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  15. I have to echo theviciouspixie, you are so warm, and loving and a really gentle person, you deserve to be happy. Just wish people would live and let live the world would be a happier place. I was blessed with a wonderful grandmother who taught me to stick up for who you are and stick up for the rights of others.......go out there girl, grab life by the balls...........way too short to worry about idiots who live in their sad lil bubbles xxxx

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  16. Don't ever take any notice of the haters hunny, I agree with the people here, no matter what the subject is there will ALWAYS be those few that decide to pick and poke at it.

    The fact is, you're an amazingly strong person, you have such a warm and honest personality, and I was almost in tears watching that your mum was ok when you told her ^.^

    Sheer strength of will and belief in your own heart is something that those haters will never have. Their only defense is to poke at something that they don't understand, you are SO much better than them! In fact I'm jealous that you are able to do things that I am still too scared about ^.^

    Go for it girl :) xx

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  17. Like others said its the people who delight in writing nasty stuff are the ones with a problem.

    Could be they’re so insecure they feel threatened by what they can't understand and just wanna hit out.

    Some just get off on picking an argument, whatever its about, so long as they think its an easy target. Plain old schoolyard bullying.

    But from my old school feminist perspective, I think a lot are old fashioned male chauvinists, (often who can’t get a girlfriend !), who have thinly veiled hatred of anything female and feminine, unless they can control it. Any strong gutsy woman / transwoman defining herself on her own terms, scares the bejesus out of them.

    They cant cope with the fact that gender is not either/or but a spectrum, a range of varieties with different genders, different sexualities, different anatomies and different combinations. They can't face the challenge to their own simplistic view, that ‘male’ has to be opposite and totally different from female.

    So yes, male chauvinists are seriously freaked out by transgender people. By the idea that people can be a bit of both. They don’t wanna face the Truth that they too – shock horror– have a suppressed feminine side, that they want to deny at all costs.

    I wish I could shut these pillocks up. Maybe if we tell then how threatened and upset they seem, sympathise with their sense of inadequacy ! maybe even encourage them to express their Inner feminine ! But they’d just carry on with obscenities. Even trying to reason with them, they wouldn’t be rational back, because they’re not motivated by reason but by fear.

    Probably best to just block them from your timeline and ignore them. Concentrate on the positives, people who recognise you for who you are and appreciate you. That's what you deserve.

    Love ya lots
    Caramel

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  18. Hey Sarah. I'm really glad I stumbled across this blog. I have been watching My Transsexual Summer and have been really moved by all of your stories and experiences. I'm not sure why it resonated so strongly with me but I truly think you are all amazing people and it makes me angry to think about the bigotry and small-mindedness which abounds in this country.

    We are all humans and should celebrate the fact that people have the courage and resolution to take such a hard road to become who they want to be. However, some people find it easier just to laugh at and hate the things which they don't understand and which niggle at their own insecurities instead of embracing the differences between us.

    I really hope that you are in a happier place for having made the decision to transition and taking part in the show. I know all the people I talk to think all of you are inspirational and courageous.

    It's madness really that we live in a world in which we have to challenge hatred based upon nothing other than the fact someone was born into the wrong gender. In time people will look back and see how crazy this was and it is people like you and shows like these which start the difficult journey we have ahead to a society of acceptance and tolerance.

    I wish you all the best.

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  19. Some people just aren't happy unless they have something to be prejudiced about. Don't let the haters and bigots get to you hon!

    Personally I'm finding you - and the show in general - to be quite inspirational. I'm a born female but not particularly confident, but all of you are so strong and so fantastic that I'm beginning to ask myself why I hide. I have a disability which doesn't allow me to live a normal life, true, but in many other ways I'm blessed.

    I wanted to thank you personally for your honesty and openness; I have transgendered friends and I'm sure they all love you too xx

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  20. Well done you for being so brave! It's easy to say 'ignore the haters' but words do hurt, and it makes me feel sad and ashamed as a straight, simple-gendered person that there are people who find the idea of gender as a spectrum so threatening they have to hurl abuse. Good luck for the future, you've got thousands of complete strangers rooting for you. That's got to mean something, right?

    Btw, I suffered from terrible self esteem until I took up martial arts. Give it a try, a sensitive teacher will create a class which doesn't feel intimidating and which lets you go at your own pace. It's not about beating people up, it's more about learning to respect the power of the human body. Try it out, there's nothing like feeling like a ninja to boost your self confidence!

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  21. Keep mutilating your body oh and
    http://lose-weight111.blogspot.com ----> Lose weight too thanks for the post

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  22. I'm really enjoying the programme. You are all excellent human beings!

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  23. its the transphobic people with the phobia... it is them who have to suffer their own irrational fears

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  24. I don't think it's really even personal Sarah. As someone else here has said already, some people just seem compelled to be nasty about anything and anyone who is brave enough to lay themselves open to criticism. I can only imagine these people are so screwed up that spending their time trading cyber insults is the only way they can express themselves. For god sake don't let the buggers grind you down!

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  25. The fact of the matter is that you aren't wrong. The negative comments have to stop! I don't think that any of the people on My Transsumer would have deliberately set themselves up for attention but to merely show the world they exist and stop discrimination. I am backing you up all the way, you need to remember to stay strong. One way or another channel four will pay for what they've done. I hope everything turns out alright for you and the others. Even though you don't know me, I am greatful that I know more about transsgender. I have friends that are transgender, bisexual, gay and lesbian, and to be honest they don't deserve the mistreatment they get. I wish that every was equal or be accepting of equal rights. I signed the petition and I am proud to say that I support transgenders! Keep on smiling, don't let some silly TV exploit who you are inside!
    Belinda xx

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  26. I found this series to be the most heart warming thing I have seen on TV for ages.
    Don't let negative comments get to you, Just use them as humour, these sort of people probably think the X-Factor is music, so what do they know ;)
    I would much rather mix with interesting people like yourself than people who conform to the "norm"

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  27. Just ignore it. You have become a public figure now and there will be haters. People are scared of what they dont understand. x

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  28. Just Ignore all the morons out there, i am a highly successful business woman, i have never had any problems even when i came out big time at work over 8 years ago. had everything done and could not feel happier in my life.Be yourself, just seen the programme epsiode two one of my friends told me about it. J x

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  29. don't let them get to you... there's a lot of people you've never even met who love you for being strong enough to be who you really are. (I'm one of them).

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  30. Be true to yourself sarah, don't let the sick haters get you down, they not worth it, they don't deserve the time of day, they are everything thats wrong with the world these days, and they also in the minority. Much respect and love to you and thank you for sharing your story with us.
    Lucy xx (47yrs old transwoman from kent)

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  31. Sarah you are amazing. Well done you for having the bravery and the conviction in yourself to BE you in public let alone go on the show.
    You rock girl.

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  32. Hi Sarah, I watched this on 4OD as I don't have a tv (can't afford the licence, get the violins out lol!). I want to wish you and the others on the programme all the very best in your journeys. I'm a carer with the Albert Kennedy Trust (google it) and will probably end up caring for at least one transgender young person, so your programme is really interesting and educational for me to watch. Take care of yourself and don't let the haters get you down xxx

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  33. Everyone has their fifteen minutes of fame.

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