Is My Fame Vacuous?

I personally hate it when I meet someone on the street or in a club and says something about me being famous or a celebrity. It makes me feel like one of those seemingly vacuous people that sell photos of their wedding or newborn child to a magazine or go on TV to moan about press intrusion into their lives or their latest marriage break up. I don’t feel “famous.” I was on a late night Channel 4 show, which a relatively small number of people watched and then moved on with their lives but it’s left me with a legacy that I can’t ignore.

I still feel like the same person that I was a year ago, I still drink too much Red Bull, stay up till 4am on the internet and wish I could have more confidence. I agreed to be part of My Transsexual Summer mainly because I was just moving to the UK and I didn’t know anyone here, much less knew another trans person or know how really to start my transition. Being “famous” was never a motivation for me and I was vaguely hopeful that some people would take some sort of inspiration from me taking part but it’s this that has become my greatest underestimation of the summer.

Last weekend I went on a trip with the other girls from MTS, Karen, Donna, Drew and a man called Paul as we were invited to open a club night in Birmingham and to attend a night in a gay friendly pub in Bletchingley, Surrey. Now, I was and continue to be uncomfortable with the idea of putting myself on a pedestal above others as if I’m some kind of Elton John-esque “star” and I think it showed, I was self conscious, nervous and a lot more reserved to how I am normally but it was a conversation I had with someone afterwards when I was having a drink to calm my nerves that hit me like a freight train.

This person approached me and begun to tell me how she had came out to her family as trans after watching me telling my mum on TV. She said that seeing how I had summoned up the courage to be honest with the people I love had made her realise that she needed to do the same and she thanked me for taking part in the show. There was a tear in my eye as I hugged her and wished her the best for her life.

The next night in that tiny but lovely pub in Surrey and with the snow falling hard outside I met another young trans woman who, she explained, had only lived fulltime as female for a month. She was painfully shy and we talked about ways to help her boost her confidence and stop worrying about whether she passed as a woman when she was walking down the street. I promised her I would put her in touch with some friends of mine and said we would be able to support her and help her out in any way we could.

Now, I have noticed a couple of comments on Facebook and Twitter from people questioning why I am attending these club openings, events and various things that I’ve been invited to, like I’m milking my “fame” or something. To begin with, even though I put this down to petty jealousy, I thought these people may have had a point, I do not wish to become some sort of “career transsexual” who trades on being on a trans TV show like some Z list celebrity personalities seem to try and milk the fact that they were once on Big Brother or something.

But last weekend has made me aware that the seven of us HAVE made a difference to some peoples lives, we have actually inspired people, given hope to some people, opened some peoples eyes and continue to do so. We still have that opportunity to help some peoples lives and still give hope to some that their personal situations can improve and it’s for this reason that I won’t feel bad turning up to a nightclub in a blacked out people carrier and standing on a stage answering peoples questions as long as I still feel like I am making a difference for the good

Moving On

So this whole My Transsexual Summer thing will come to an end tonight and I’m thinking about looking to the future. There has been such a huge reaction from everybody and it seems like I’m riding the crest of a wave, which I don’t want to stop. I got to thinking about how I can continue the momentum this program has built up and also about things I want for the future.

Dream job? I want to be a writer. I want to make money out of something I think I’m good at and I really enjoy and that is writing. I’m in the early stages of writing a book about this summer because there is so much that went on during such a momentous chapter in my life that some people would really benefit from reading it. I have a lot of it planned out and about ten thousand words written so I’m going to concentrate on that over Christmas.

I also want to see if I can get an article published or ideally a regular column in some sort of publication, I’ve been in touch with the Argus in Brighton and am hoping to hear back. What I’m looking for is some kind of regular income, a job of some sort. I’ve had a very varied working life, I started out from school as a Rolls Royce car mechanic and worked in a few garages for 4 years. Then I moved to Ibiza and worked at a rock club for 3 years, I used to stand outside the door and talk people into coming in for a drink and even DJ’d heavy metal for a season in the back room. Since then I’ve been a fishmonger, installed Sky TV and audio/visual systems in peoples houses, I can install and fix Apple computers, I’ve been a labourer, warehouse worker, driver, the list is almost endless. I seem to be able to pick things up and learn new skills easily.

I don’t know even how to begin making money from writing, a good start would be a working AdSense account but it’s been disabled for some reason and I can’t figure out how to get it working again. Can anyone help with anything?

I’ve also started a fundraising page too, for some hair removal so I don’t have to shave every day and to see a gender specialist so I can begin my hormone therapy. Both these things will take years before I get to where I want to be, but both will make a huge difference to my life so please, if you can spare it, donate to my transition fund. Heres my Fundraising page. I made a quick video about it too…

My First Blog. By Lady Muck (Age29 1/4)

So.... First ever attempt at a blog or even some kind of diary thingy... We'll see if this thing lasts... I guess I want to record some of the random things I seem to get up to because life is going past so fast recently...

First Things First.


I've lived in Jersey, UK for all my life, apart from a few summers in Ibiza and France but always knew deep down I had the wrong body for my internal gender. It caused me to fuck up a lot. I hurt people i loved and hurt myself. So I decided enough was enough. I was going to tackle this gender problem head on. If I was ever to get on in my life and actually be happy then I have to sort this out. Now.

So I packed all my belongings in the world into my cavernous volvo and set off on the boat to Weymouth, UK with about £5 in my pocket and a bucket load of hope. It doesn't sound like it never seemed like a big step to me, more like the next, natural step in my life. I'd just have to figure out things out along the way.

I had met a guy, M, who said I could stay with him in his spare room, and pay rent as and when I could afford it, which was lucky because without that offer I would be living in my car... Not good for a glamorous girl like myself...  So here I am in Swansea, new to living as female, having thrown all my male clothes away, I know nobody here apart from M, I have no job and very little money but even this is better than living my life as a lie.

The great thing about staying with M though, is that every weekend he goes out to different clubs, nights and events all over the country so I get to meet loads of cool people and do lots of cool things.


Sparkle, Manchester, UK


The first weekend after arriving in Wales we went to http://www.sparkle.org.uk/ which is an annual transgender pride sort of event. It's held in and around Manchester's Canal Street and gay village area and theres nights out, workshops and a big party in the park on the Saturday.

 

 
First night there we went to a cool club called V Bar or something, just on Canal street and met with Aerie, Sophie and a few friends from Devon too. It's kinda hard to describe the feelings I had as the night wore on, within a week I'd gone from living on an island 9 miles by 5 where there was only one gay bar and I was the only TGirl who wasn't scared of going out clubbing to a metropolis in England surrounded by literally thousands of other TGirls, partners admirers and any other poor bugger that happened to be in Canal street that weekend. I think I was out smoking a cigarette when it dawned on me how amazing my life suddenly seemed, I was surrounded by all these people and none of them batted an eyelid at me, there I was in my slinky polkadot dress and stupidly high heels and nobody gave me a second look...

Now I'm not sure if I should have been annoyed that i wasn't getting appreciative glances left right and centre and I don't know if it was the vodka lemonade I was drinking but I felt something strange, a liberating, freeing feeling, within a couple of hours of going out I was chatting to random strangers and walking up to random people and introducing myself.  I'd never been like that before, always been the quiet one. It really felt like am epiphany moment, I could for the first time start living my life how I wanted it and not have to hide myself ever.

The next night was even better, during the day I went to a workshop on surgery and saw the fête type thing in the park on Canal Street  I met up with the lovely Wendy and a couple of her friends and had some food and headed back to the hotel and got ready for the night out.

This night I went for it, there was nothing holding me back I went off on my own and found a rock club! Now I love rock and metal, the amusingly named Satans Hollow had a big dance floor in the middle and a massive grinning devil above the DJ booth and to my surprise there was about 30 TGirls and friends mingling with the straight crowd. I was in heaven! My only slight niggle about the whole club scene was the crappy music everywhere seemed to play and here was a place that played the music I love.

I maybe got a bit too drunk but I had the most amazing night, I danced!! I've not danced in a club in years and had never danced while all dressed up in heels before, I probably looked a right state but I didn't care, I had never felt so free before.