So I have been chatting to this guy online for a while now, he is an artist, a graphical designer and seemed an all round interesting kinda guy… He had been asking me for a few weeks to meet up with me for a drink and today, I thought to myself ‘why not, what have I got to lose?’ I agreed to meet him in a pub on a busy Brighton street, somewhere I could easily slip away if it didn’t go well and I would be safe enough if he turned out to be a nutter. Now, I like to think of myself as a good judge of character, I hope I can ‘read’ people well and see the motivation behind the way they act, this weekend marks my thirtieth year on this planet and I genuinely hope I am street wise, mature enough to know when someone is playing me.
I thought that during my online chats with this guy he was interested in me as a person, the fact that I happen to be trans didn’t even factor into his attraction to me, in fact, I thought that I had gone out of my way to make sure that I wasn’t some kind of ‘fantasy shag’ to him, a box to be ticked off on his list of sexual conquests… This all flew out of the window when he said to me “I just want to explore my bi side, you’re not gonna have ‘it’ chopped off are you?”
My body is not some vessel for a random stranger to use as experimentation with. I am not something for you to satisfy your curiosity with. I am a fucking person who wants to be treated as such. If I had ANY other choice I wouldn’t be this way. I would have lived my life the way I was born and would have been happy with that. I didn’t choose to be trans. If I hadn’t have transitioned I would be dead by now, and that is not me being a drama queen, that is stone cold fact.
So as I sat alone on the bus home, my eyes leaking as I realised that this dating game is bullshit but maybe it’s just my fears manifesting themselves in other people, maybe this guy actually did like me for who I am but was just incapable of communicating with some semblance of empathy. Even so, those words cut, they cut fucking deep and, as much as I doubt it, I hope I never hear them again.
Happy Birthday Sarah. Hope you do find somebody who just accepts you for who you are :o)
ReplyDeleteaww thats not nice Sarah as you are indeed a person with needs and emotions just like everyone else and you should be treated with respect and equality as every woman should be
ReplyDeleteThat guy is a waste of space, what an idiot. You're well rid.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that chatting to him promised such a lot more than he could ever live up to.
I'm sorry that you had to run into someone like that and I hope you can put him out of your mind and assign him what he deserves: forgetableness (if that's a word).
You don't want to be around people who think they can use you to 'explore' things. The people who are worth being around are the ones who know what it takes to respect others and who want to genuinely see if there is a connection and a liking present. Apply the highest of standards to the people you surround yourself with because you deserve to know genuine people.
I hope you'll forget this idiot and will have a great time celebrating your birthday!
All the best!
I am sorry Sarah,He's to be forgotten and move on!!!
ReplyDeleteHow your writing getting on? In your Vlog as you call it, You prefer writing as what is this writing about??
Be well and stay happy. Peter... :))